With Hope.... by .... Stephen Curtis Chapman

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcYRr1dk7wA&feature=related

October 25, 2009

Day 158


Dear Sarah

Been writing you a lot lately in my journal. I am not sure what to say any more. I do know that I do miss you so very much. Someone told me about this song.

Steven Curtis Chapman

Speechless (1999)

With Hope



this is not at all how

we thought it was supposed to be

we had so many plans for you

we had so many dreams

and now you've gone away

and left us with the memories of your smile

and nothing we can say

and nothing we can do

can take away the pain

the pain of losing you but



we can cry with hope

we can say goodbye with hope

'cause we know our goodbye is not the end oh no

and we can grieve with hope

'cause we believe with hope

there's a place by god's grace

there's a place where we'll see your face again

we'll see your face again



and never have i known

anything so hard to understand

and never have i questioned more

the wisdom of god's plan

but through the cloud of tears

i see the father's smile and say well done

and i imagine you

where you wanted most to be

seeing all your dreams come true

'cause now you're home

and now you're free and



we have this hope as an anchor

'cause we believe that everything

god promised us is true so



we wait with hope

and we ache with hope

we hold on with hope

we let go with hope





With love and hope for the future.... With love and understanding....

God bless you my sweet darling.... You are missed and still with me...



I love you to the moon and back!

mom

October 15, 2009

Day 148

Dear Sarah

Here is a song by one of your favorite singers:  Miley Cyrus...  It really says a lot about how Mom feels...


Lyrics to I Miss You :


Sha-la-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la-la

I used to call you my angel

Said you were sent straight down from heaven

I'd hold you close in my arms



I loved the way you felt so strong

I never wanted you to leave

I wanted you to stay here with me



[CHORUS:]

I miss you

I miss your smile

And I still shed a tear

Every once in a while

And even though it's different now

You're still here somehow

My heart won't let you go

And I need you to know

I miss you, sha la la la la

I miss you



You used to call me your dreamer

And now I'm living out my dream

Oh how I wish you could see

Everything that's happening for me

I'm thinking back on the past

It's true that time is flying by too fast


[CHORUS]


I know you're in a better place, yeah

But I wish that I could see your face, oh

I know you're where you need to be

Even though it's not here with me


[CHORUS x2]


(I miss you)

[ I Miss You Lyrics on http://www.lyricsmania.com/ ]
 
Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St Vincent Millay
 
 


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October 14, 2009

Day 147

My dearest Sarah

Today has been another one of those days.  I guess I am depressed again.  I have taken so much medicine but nothing seems to be working for me.  Its so hard to find anything to do.  I hate work.  I don't really like doing much of anything.  I help your brother everyday do his school work.  Its so hard.  He is so needy.  I have no time to do anything.  This just makes me so very sad too.  I just can't make it any better.  I have cried about it.  Its just not right that I can't make it any better.  I feel like I have let him down.  I feel like a failure.  I couldn't make you better either.  I so wanted to.  Please know that I didn't give up on you getting better.  There in the end it just became so very hard to watch you suffer so.  You didn't complain but I could see it.  You would have had to be stupid to not see it.  I am so very glad that you found Jesus and that he set you free.  So are the colors in Heaven wonderful?  Have you done a lot of walking?  I bet you have.  What about swimming?  I so wish I could see you having a good time.  I miss you so much.  It hurts so very bad.  No one seems to understand.   Please pray for me Sarah. 

I love you to the moon and back! 
You will always be my very best friend,
Mommy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZWjQUerta8

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October 13, 2009

Day 146

Dear Sarah

Today has been another one of those days.   It seems that when another child earns their Angel Wings that it brings back all the memories of when you went to Heaven.  I so miss you so very much.  I am not sure how I can ever go on.  It seems like a lifetime ago that you were here with me.  I would give anything to have a dream about the good days.  We had so much fun.  You are my best friend.  I have no one to do anything with now.  Emma and Andrew just don't understand.  It would be a good idea for me to find something to do but it seems like all that I try to do someone else comes along.  I love you so much and it hurts so bad.  Please pray for me sweetheart.  I know that you are with me but its not the same.  So many things have gone wrong since you went home to Heaven.  Please pray for me to get through each day. 

I miss you so much.... I love you to the moon and back

Mommy


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October 12, 2009

Day 145

Dear Sarah 

It seems just like it was yesterday that you were here with me.  The days get longer and the nights are even longer than that.  I am not sure what it will take to get better but I pray each day for the Lord to guide me in the path that I must take.  I feel better today.   I feel so much stronger than I did.  I am still hurting from this hole in my heart but I am ok.  I am physcially exhausted.  I can't get enough sleep.  I do realize that I can't sleep my life away no matter what I might want to do. 

Pray for Andrew tomorrow sweetie.  I have to go back and talk with the teacher.  Not looking foward to it either.

I love you to the moon, the stars and Heavns pearly Gates,
Mommy

October 11, 2009

Day 144

Dear Sarah

I made it to church finally.  It was a beautiful message.  It was what I needed to hear.  I went down to Grace.  The message was about releasing all of the past things that you had done.  I felt the release for sure.  I do believe that God showed me the way to be there.  Paster Glenn had people being prayed for once the service was over.  To let go of those past mistakes etc.  So I went down front.  Granny went with me.  She got upset.  We needed to be prayed for.  I know you were with me too. 

I love you so very much sweet one,
Mommy

October 10, 2009

Day 143

Dear Sarah,

Its been a long day.  It rained.  It is turning cooler.  It is nice.  We are ready for some cool weather.  Financially we are not as well as we used to be so the worries of money make it very hard to get by.  Please know that we will have a turn around but its hard right now.  I love you and that is all that counts.

Love you forever... you will always be in my heart....
mom

October 9, 2009

Day 142
My dearest Angel,

I have thought about writing you all day but I kept on getting upset when I tried.  Not sure what's the problem besides missing you like CRAZY.   I still don't know what to say but to tell you how very much that I do love you.  We are moving forward.  Baby steps to healing.  Always know that you are in my heart.


Mommy

October 8, 2009

Dear Sarah

I stayed busy all day but thoughts kept coming into my head of why?  Why did you have to leave me??  I do understand that sickness is of the devil so I know that you are safe and in God's arms.  It makes no sense as to why you had to leave at such a young age.  You had so much to live for.  Its not fair.  This sucks so bad its unreal.  There are so many kids that are going to Heaven now.  The only question is why?  Why can't they find a cure to cure cancer?  Why? Why do so many innocent kids have to die before they can ever live?  I pray each day for their families.  I pray each day for Father God to show us the way.  I pray so much so often.  I pray.. I pray for you sweetheart.  I pray that you are having such a good time.

I love you so very much,
God bless you!
Mommy

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