Thursday, October 15, 2009

October 14, 2009

Day 147

My dearest Sarah

Today has been another one of those days.  I guess I am depressed again.  I have taken so much medicine but nothing seems to be working for me.  Its so hard to find anything to do.  I hate work.  I don't really like doing much of anything.  I help your brother everyday do his school work.  Its so hard.  He is so needy.  I have no time to do anything.  This just makes me so very sad too.  I just can't make it any better.  I have cried about it.  Its just not right that I can't make it any better.  I feel like I have let him down.  I feel like a failure.  I couldn't make you better either.  I so wanted to.  Please know that I didn't give up on you getting better.  There in the end it just became so very hard to watch you suffer so.  You didn't complain but I could see it.  You would have had to be stupid to not see it.  I am so very glad that you found Jesus and that he set you free.  So are the colors in Heaven wonderful?  Have you done a lot of walking?  I bet you have.  What about swimming?  I so wish I could see you having a good time.  I miss you so much.  It hurts so very bad.  No one seems to understand.   Please pray for me Sarah. 

I love you to the moon and back! 
You will always be my very best friend,
Mommy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZWjQUerta8

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